Tips for When You’re Away

Learn the layout of the ship and memorise the route to your cabin. Ships are like mazes, and are particularly tricky to navigate after a few cocktails.

The duty-free shop is the best place to pick up cheap alcohol or cigarettes.

Befriend the maids and you’ll never have to do your own laundry.

Befriend the kitchen staff for a supply of fresh produce.

Befriend the nurse for a supply of pure oxygen – the world’s best cure for a hang-over.

An evening with the crew, below deck, is always an eye-opener.

Buy or bring your own iron.

Pack contraception – its not always available when you need it.

Come on board with at least one party piece.

Remember, everyone knows what everyone does….

Bring or buy a hand-held games console.

For souvenirs, buy at least one postcard from every port you visit.